When Did Sharing Rent Become a Stronger Reason Than Sharing a Life?
There was a time when my friends and I would gather for dinner, tea, or simply an evening of catching up.
There was always news.
Someone had started dating.
Someone had gotten engaged.
Someone had moved in with their boyfriend or girlfriend after only dating for a month or two.
At first, I thought they were all love stories.
Then I started listening more carefully.
One couple had decided to move in together after only a few months.
When I asked why, the answer came almost immediately.
“It just makes sense.”
“We’ll split the rent.”
“It’s cheaper.”
Then another couple.
And another.
Different people.
Different stories.
The same answer.
The more I listened, the more I realized something was missing.
Not from their relationships.
From their reasons.
When did sharing rent become a stronger reason to move in together than sharing a life?
Housing has become expensive.
I understand that.
Life has become expensive too.
I understand that even more.
But if the biggest reason two people decide to share a home is because it saves money, what happens when the excitement fades but the lease still has eight months left?
Why not share an apartment with a friend?
Why not rent a room?
Is your life—and your peace—worth less than the price of rent?
Living together changes everything.
It changes your routines.
Your privacy.
Your finances.
Your future.
Sometimes it changes your family forever if a child arrives before the relationship is ready.
Those are enormous decisions.
Yet I watched people make them with less hesitation than choosing a cellphone plan.
And it didn’t end there.
Months later the conversations changed.
The excitement disappeared.
The complaints arrived.
“I didn’t think it would be like this.”
“We argue all the time.”
One young man admitted he wasn’t dreaming about a future anymore.
He was counting the months until the lease ended.
That sentence stayed with me.
Not because relationships fail.
Relationships have always failed.
But because I couldn’t stop wondering whether they had moved in together for the wrong reason in the first place.
It’s difficult to encourage someone to fight for a relationship when you’re not even sure love was the foundation.
When love exists, people usually find reasons to apologize.
To compromise.
To try again.
To stay one more day.
But when convenience becomes the foundation, what exactly are they trying to save?
What surprised me even more was realizing this wasn’t limited to young couples.
For years I’ve asked engaged couples the same question.
“Why are you marrying him?”
Or…
“Why are you marrying her?”
I have heard almost every answer imaginable.
“Because he treats me well.”
“Because she understands me.”
“Because he has a good job.”
“Because we go to the same church.”
“Because she comes from a wonderful family.”
All good reasons.
All admirable qualities.
But every single time, I found myself waiting for one sentence.
One simple sentence.
“I’m marrying him because I love him.”
Somehow, it almost never came.
Maybe people assume love doesn’t need to be said.
Maybe they believe it is already understood.
I don’t know.
I only know that I have spent years listening for those words.
And I still miss hearing them.
Perhaps I’m hopelessly old-fashioned.
But I still believe the strongest reason to build a home with someone should never be rent.
Or convenience.
It should be that, after knowing who they are, after seeing their flaws and your own, you simply cannot imagine building your life anywhere else.
If sharing the rent becomes one of the benefits…
Wonderful.
But if sharing the rent is the reason you choose the person standing beside you…
I believe you’re asking love to do a job it was never meant to do.
